Decode
by alien09
Summary: When she wakes up this will just be another bad dream / Multi-chap Caroline/Tyler.
1. Chapter 1

**a/n: my first foray into this fandom. I love Caroline and this is my interpretation of the scene in 1x14. Because after what Damon did to her, she wouldn't have reacted **_**that **_**well.**

Caroline sees him through the darkness. The drunk teenagers and loud noise can't hide Damon from her. She digs her hands deep into her jacket and feels her spine snap straight. Then she sees him holding someone – _dragging _someone – by the arm and her entire body vibrates. A bit of the fog and the laughter clear and she sees _Elena _is the one being pulled along.

What is he doing? Doesn't he know that this is the girl her brother loves, worships, _whatever_? Elena has seen the way Damon marked her, branded her like she was some kind of prize cattle waiting to be slaughtered. Instinctively Caroline reaches for her neck and rubs the scar that has formed from Damon's…affections.

_Stupid. Shallow. Useless. _

Damon's words echo through her mind and Caroline reminds herself to breathe.

'Hey is that Elena?' Matt's voice reminds her that he is standing next to her. Caroline doesn't trust herself to speak so she nods, the motion choppy and not at all in control.

Because that was what her relationship with Damon was about. _Control. _She was nothing but a pawn on his chessboard and though her memory slipped through her fingers like grains of sand, Caroline is ashamed to admit that she had _liked _being under his command. Those piercing blue eyes would haze her perceptions and suddenly she was inviting him to the Founder's Ball, letting him push her around like she was _nothing_. She remembers his soft breath against her neck, the whimpers that came from her, as Damon nudged his nose against skin. Caroline recalls begging him not to kill her, the feeling of complete relief when he vaguely agrees only to pierce through flesh and blood.

Damon meets her eye and Caroline can feel the same terror course through her.

'Damon,' she whispers and Matt turns to look at her. She forgets of course, because she is stupid, that Damon can hear her despite the noise. As if he can read her thoughts, Damon angles his head in her direction and starts to come closer.

Panic fills her, worming under her skin. Caroline had always been in control until Damon. Damon had taken that away from her, made her into this girl who could do nothing but second-guess herself.

_Why was he with Elena?_

He draws closer and Caroline tells herself that she is strong, smart and capable. Damon was wrong because Matt saw those things in her. Matt didn't think she was as shallow as a kiddy pool. Matt looked at her and saw depth and _someone_ worth caring for.

_Matt thinks you won't work remember?_

_But he kissed me._

_He kissed you and then what?_

Silence greeted her thoughts.

'Hey,' Matt says to Damon and Elena. Caroline fixes her gaze on her best friend. Elena doesn't look scared or terrified or even remotely like she isn't in control. There is a touch of desperation and maybe impatience but Damon's grip isn't something Elena seems to see as a concern.

'Elena?' Caroline forces herself to sound like Damon doesn't have the capability to snap her neck in half within the blink of an eye. The bastard looks amused by her efforts.

'Hey Caroline,' Elena greets and then looks down. Caroline follows her gaze and is surprised that her fingers are twined together with Matt's. When did that happen? Matt's hold is loose. Caroline wishes it were tight.

'What? No hello for me?' Damon asks with a smirk and Caroline wishes she could reach across and slap him across the face. Her eyes narrow dangerously instead.

'Like I want to speak to you,' Caroline informs him with as much conviction as she can muster. Damon actually smiles and she can feel her hand start to shake. Damon always smiled before he did something to her. Matt seems to feel her reaction because suddenly he's frowning, glancing between Caroline and Damon. Elena senses it too.

'There was a time you couldn't keep your hands off me,' Damon reminds her and _this _is like a slap to the face. Elena says something but all Caroline can hear is the pounding in her ears.

'Yeah. And look at what _that _got me,' Caroline hisses back because she wants to be angry, she wants to be in control and not _afraid _of this man in front of her. She untangles her hand from Matt, whose brow is furrowed like he's confused. Caroline doesn't think Matt knows what happened between Damon and her.

She wants to keep it that way.

Damon chuckles and then tugs on Elena, who rolls her eyes and flashes Caroline an apologetic look. And what is up with that? Elena has _seen _what Damon has done to her, the bites and the marks and _everything_, and yet here she is willingly being hauled around by this psychopath.

_Is he using her too? Doesn't she care what he did to me?_

'Sorry guys,' Elena manages to call over her shoulder as Damon walks off without another word. Like Caroline didn't matter and that all the abuse and moments between them was nothing but a passing distraction, which it could be considering his immortality.

'Caroline? Are you okay?' Matt questions her and there is that soft look in his eyes, the same one he had that night he kissed her. But Caroline can see the doubt rimmed around his pupils as well and that makes her break a little.

'I'm fine,' she tries to assure him and is grateful that her voice isn't shaky. 'I'm just…I'm going to get something to drink.'

Matt's looking at her like he doesn't believe her but makes no move to stop her as she walks away. She refuses to acknowledge why his doubt hurts and bows her head down as she drifts through the crowd.

_I'm giving you an escape clause. Feel free to exercise it._

Caroline shakes her head in disgust at the girl she's become. Caroline Forbes used to be able to get everyone and everything she wanted. Now…now she _looked _like she was in control but on the inside that power seemed to shatter.

She grabbed a bottle of whiskey and looked over her shoulder to see Matt lounging against a jeep. Matt was reassuring and wanted to be with her.

_Hello. Did we forget about the friggin' uncertainty?_

Matt notices her staring at him. She gives him a weak smile before turning around and heading deeper into the woods. The dark envelopes her like it did when she was with (and she uses that word loosely) Damon and the fog that creeps around her resembles the jumbled state of her memory after he was done toying with her.

As she uncaps the bottle, her hands shake. They only stop moving after she's had enough to forget why she was here in the first place.


	2. Chapter 2

Caroline doesn't know how long she sits there, alone in the dark. The bottle of whiskey lies half empty at her feet and everything around her seems blurry and pleasant. She tries to forget Damon, forget how unafraid Elena was of him, how shallow, useless and stupid she was.

It doesn't work.

She contemplates drinking the rest of the bottle, stares at it with her brow furrowed. Was it possible to die from alcohol poisoning? Maybe she could test that theory tonight.

'Caroline?' Matt is calling out and his voice slams into her like a Mack truck. She grits her teeth and tries to remain still because she doesn't want Matt to see her this way. Yes she had clung to him that night at the Mystic Grill after Damon had shrugged her off but that was different. Now she knows that Matt has the power to hurt her as well while before he had always been _Elena's boyfriend_.

She reaches for the whiskey and the log she is sitting on creaks.

'Crap,' she mutters under her breath. Matt is coming towards her, shoes crunching through the undergrowth. Soon she sees him in front of her, hands in his pockets like he isn't quite sure what to expect.

'You might as well come sit down,' she murmurs and tries to sound sulky but a part of her, a small part, is rejoicing that Matt has actually taken the effort to come look for her. He hasn't simply forgotten about her and left her there like Bonnie and Elena have been doing lately.

'Jesus Care. Please tell me you didn't drink that all by yourself,' Matt asks and tries to pry the bottle out of her grip. Caroline snatches it away and frowns at him.

'What are you doing?' She demands because doesn't he see this is helping her forget?

'Trying to stop you from drowning yourself,' Matt answers and gives her what she thinks is a concerned look. Caroline shakes her head and looks straight ahead, cradling the alcohol to her chest.

'Maybe I _want _to drown,' she shoots back and takes another pull of whiskey to prove her point. Matt takes this opportunity to snatch the bottle away from her and ignores her gasp of outrage as he upends the contents into the ground.

_He'd taken it away from her so easily. Just like Damon had taken away her control._

'Is this about that Damon guy?' He questions and Caroline turns her head away and bites her lip, tugs at the bottom of the scarf she has wrapped around her neck.

'No, it's not.' Her voice sounds shaky and she kicks herself. Because she was supposed to be _strong _and _unaffected _dammit, not some weak-kneed damsel who couldn't stand on her own two feet.

'You were practically shaking-'

Caroline hears Matt speak about her weakness like it is nothing, like he thinks it is something he can understand and something inside of her breaks because he _can't _even begin to comprehend what Damon Salvatore has done to her psyche.

'What do you want to know Matt?' She snaps and Matt looks at her like she's a caged animal. 'You want me to prepare some kind of speech about how I thought he cared about me? About how no one seems to care anymore about what he did to me?'

The minute the words come out she wants to take them back because something flares up behind Matt's eyes that she can see even in the dim, milky light.

'Did he do something to you?' Another flash. 'Elena's with him-'

That name again and Caroline wants to scream. So she does and it's loud and echoes through the forest so much she wonders if Damon will hear her.

'It's _always _going to be about Elena isn't it? God she doesn't even _try _and she's got all three of you wrapped around her little finger. Didn't you see how _not _scared she was around Damon? She was all blasé about him, like he didn't…like he couldn't…' She trails off and feels the scar on her neck burn through the makeup she has become adept at applying every morning. Caroline wonders how fortunate it is that the days she has gone without a scarf, no one has noticed the ugly wound against her skin.

'Caroline-' Matt starts to say and she shakes her head because she doesn't want to hear about how _great _and _fantastic _Elena is. She doesn't want to act like Matt telling her he wasn't sure whether he was even over Elena had cut through her like a knife. Caroline thinks she doesn't deserve to be second best and as sweet as Matt is, as comforting and nice and reassuring that he is, right now he's making her feel like she isn't good enough.

'No,' she practically shouts over him and she steps out of reach of Matt's outstretched hand. He looks wounded and Caroline revels in it for a moment. Good, let him be the one getting his feelings trampled all over like that night after the dance at the Grill. Matt opens his mouth like he wants to say something and Caroline speaks before he has a chance. Because excuses right now were like salt being rubbed into a wound she thought was beginning to scab but now lay bleeding and open.

'No Matt. You told me that night after the dance that we weren't going to work. And okay I get it. I'm a flake and I'm not as pretty as Elena or whatever. I _know _you worshipped the ground she walked on and I've been trying to make you see that I'm more than this shallow girl and this totally horrible person who insults people without meaning to,' she says and it all comes out in a great big rush. Matt stays silent and half of her is afraid he might start laughing out loud. But he doesn't so she pushes on.

'You say this thing between us is good and that you don't want to ruin it. And then you kiss me and I think maybe we've got a chance to make this work like I want to. But then after you kissed me you don't _do _anything about us and I'm left wondering if I did something wrong.'

'You didn't do anything wrong,' Matt interrupts her and she glares because can't he see that she's on the verge of a flippin' _epiphany_?

'Then why haven't we held hands or PDA-ed? _That's _what the next step is Matt, _acting _like we like each other instead of doing what it is we're doing,' she demands and Matt looks at her for a moment before averting his gaze. And Caroline wants to hold her side and _laugh _because wasn't this just _great_?

'See what I mean?' The bitterness in her tone surprises them both. 'When I was with Damon he did nothing but treat me like I wasn't even worth his time. And I stayed with him because I thought that if I showed him how _good _I could be for him, he'd realize that I was more than just nice hair and some toy he could have fun with. I waited and I waited and I let him…' She squeezes her eyes shut, remembering how Damon had sunk his teeth into her shoulder and the pain that had lanced through her. 'I'm done trying to prove myself Matt. So you either want this or not.'

'Care, you're drunk and-'

The words enrage her because _seriously_? She stalks towards him and jabs her finger into his chest, ignoring the warmth that radiates off him and the temptation to just sink herself into that heat.

'I'm serious Matt Donovan! I'm Caroline Forbes and I'm nobody's bitch!' She says this with gusto because for the first time in a while she _means _something and she wants to world to know that too.

And then the world spins around and everything gets smudged like the trees and night sky are straight out of a watercolour painting. It tips and slides and for a horrifying moment she thinks Damon is looking into her eyes again. Caroline blinks and sees Matt instead, arms outstretched and his mouth moving with no sound.

'No Damon. Stop messing with my head again,' is all she manages to whisper before that smudged, blurry painting falls away from under her.


	3. Chapter 3

**a/n: so it seems Caroline doesn't remember that Damon's a vampire in the show? Does she? If she doesn't, then this is going a little AU**

When Caroline opens her eyes, her head hurts. Light is pouring in through a window and her mouth feels like ash. Carefully she lifts herself up on her elbows and through her narrow-slit gaze realizes that she isn't in her room.

_God, what happened?_

Caroline takes in the blue wallpaper and wooden desk in the corner stacked high with books. There are posters of half-naked women on the wall that make her want to snort with disgust. The last thing she remembers is Matt and the rough bite of bark against her jeans. Everything after that was hazy.

_Had Damon come back for her?_

'Hey,' Matt's voice comes from the doorway and Caroline turns towards him. There is something like caution creeping up onto her skin and she sits completely upright, resists the urge to make sure she doesn't have bed head.

'Hey,' she answers back lamely, hearing how shaky her voice is. She clears her throat and averts her eyes to his shirt.

'Sorry I didn't take you home. I didn't know where your keys were and I figured you didn't want your Mum to see you…well, to see you like that,' Matt says, rubbing the back of his neck. Caroline finds herself nodding her head automatically.

'Thanks.' An awkward silence hangs in the air and Caroline clears her throat again, belatedly realizing that he must have let her sleep in his bed. She winces when her eyes find the blinds in his room.

'So…' Matt trails off and Caroline hates that _this _is the effect Damon has had on her.

'I should go,' she mumbles, seeing that she is still fully clothed. Matt doesn't say anything in reply and Caroline wants to scream like she did last night in the forest.

_I'm done trying to prove myself Matt. So you either want this or not._

Maybe the same words echo through Matt's head too because suddenly he's looking at her, _really _looking at _her_, and Caroline desperately wishes that her head wasn't pounding quite so hard.

'Care, about last night-'

She's shaking her head at him and he stumbles over his words, as if he isn't sure whether to force her to listen to him or not.

'I was drunk and said some stupid things,' she tells him, all the while shoving her feet into her boots. 'Let's just forget about it okay?'

Because Caroline doesn't want to hear him say the name _Elena _or have Matt ask her questions about Damon. Despite the fact that she was supremely hungover, she contemplates whether or not she should reacquaint herself with the bottle of scotch her father had left behind.

Matt sighs in what she thinks is frustration behind her and Caroline wonders where the bravado that had filled her last night has gone. Because wasn't she _sure _about how she wanted things to go with Matt? Hadn't Damon and his blue eyes taught her anything?

'You need me to-' He's offering her a ride home and the thought of spending the few minutes alone with Matt in a confined space makes her cringe.

'I'll walk.'

'C'mon Care, let me just drive you home,' Matt presses.

_You're loosing control of this conversation_. It plays behind her forehead in a continuous loop and despite the fact that her steps are shaky, Caroline makes sure she is looking Matt right in the eye when she speaks.

'It's _fine_.'

Matt's expression seems to be either angry or hurt. For some reason Caroline can't be bothered to care right now. And maybe that's incredibly petty but she was just so tired of being Elena lite right now. Matt mumbles a goodbye as she walks down his porch and Caroline doesn't turn around when she gives him a weak wave in reply. When she is sure she's far enough, she finally runs her fingers through her hair and rubs her eyes. There is probably smudged eyeliner and mascara, not to mention lip gloss, all over her face but its early enough that there is no one out but a few people walking their dog.

Caroline sees the squad car parked in the driveway and groans. Great. Just what she needed.

'Where have you been?' Her mother demands and the badge on her chest gleams. There are times Caroline wonders whether being the Sheriff or being a mother was what Forbes wanted. There are times Caroline wonders whether she is just being too hard on her mother.

'At a friend's,' Caroline replies, shrugging her shoulders and unzipping her boots.

'All night?'

'Well I was kind of drunk Mum,' Caroline says because she knows that this will piss her mother off.

'_Again_? Caroline Forbes, didn't we talk-' The Sheriff stops talking when she sees the bitter smile painted on her daughter's face.

'We don't talk mother,' Caroline informs her flatly before heading up the stairs. Forbes doesn't bother coming after her and a few seconds later the door slams shut downstairs. Caroline reaches her room and closes the door behind her with equal force, slipping back into the passive aggressive nature living with her mother has nurtured.

She feels for the scarf that was wrapped around her neck and finds herself touching skin instead. Her brow furrows and Caroline can't remember whether it had been with her at Matt's. It had been a gift from Bonnie and Elena, before Elena's parents had died and both girls had slowly pushed Caroline away from them.

The wound on her neck twinges as she turns and Caroline flicks the light on in her closet, peering at the jagged edges that have softened slightly. She shrugs out of her jacket and pulls her shirt over her head, taking in the darkened marks on her back.

_He's marked you for good Caroline Forbes. Now every time you see them, you're going to know how stupid you were._

Remembering how Elena had followed after Damon, Caroline grabs her cell and punches in Elena's number. It rings, and rings, and rings. No answer. She tries Bonnie. The same thing. She calls them both back and leaves a message, affecting a casual tone, like she's just calling to say hi.

Bonnie always picks up.

This makes Caroline worried. A sharp pain in her temple makes her shake loose the Advil stored in her nightstand.

_You know what? I'm going to bed._ _When I wake up this will just be another bad dream._

She closes her eyes and sees Matt and her standing side by side, Elena hovering between them like a ghost as Damon smirks from the corner.

_Just another nightmare._


	4. QLD Flood Appeal

Hey guys!

I live in Brisbane and if you've seen the news recently, an area the size of France and Germany combined has now been declared a disaster zone. I've decided to sign up to a fic auction that raises funds for the Queensland Relief Fund so if you're interested in bidding, please head over to and make a bid for me (look for aswordsworth or alien09)!

waltzmatildah(dot)livejournal(dot)com(forwardslash)67134(dot)html?view=1419070#t1419070

I'm taking requests for Puckleberry for Glee and Tyler/Caroline for Vampire Diaries.

If you guys could spread the word, would be much appreciated!


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